For example, for the last year, at least once a month I have dreams (all night long) about tornados. Talking with my brother (my dream directory guru), dreaming about tornados has to do emotional upheaval or the need for grounding (not the punishment kind, but the grounding of oneself through religion or belief in some greater purpose). Looking up tornado dreams online, I find more information about how tornado dreams are about feeling out of control or overwhelmed, that there is potentially a destructive relationship in your life. Hmmmm... feeling overwhelmed or out of control. Um.. let's see here. Do any of those directly relate to my life in the last year?? Yeah. Hell yes. Understatement. I am definitely not in Kansas anymore, Toto. The real question I ask myself is why am I only dreaming about this once a month and not every night?? Maybe because only about once a month do I really feel the suffocating nature of all of this and rather than slash tires or scream, I dream about tornados? Maybe. Or not.
For another example-- (because my subconscious really likes to make sure to drill a point home and it also likes to be a bit theatrical) enter the poltergeist dreams. There are few things that really scare me (aside from swimming)-- paranormal activity is one of those things. But, again about once a month or so I have dreams about poltergeists. Any guesses what these dream mean? Yep. Basically it's that there is a lack of control over your life. That you are getting in your own way. In the dream, it isn't really the poltergeist that's freaking you out-- it's you. You are the one creating the chaos and the scary crap. It's all you. You are the only one with the ability to stop the haunting.
Thanks subconscious. I get it. My shit isn't together. That's what happens though I suppose when you change careers 3 times within 3 years, your marriage falls apart and your dog dies. Shit. Falls. Apart. The good news is that shit is slowly coming back together. Not enough to prevent the dreams, but enough that I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm facing my crap and (begrudgingly) will call myself on it.
So what brings me to this topic today? Well, last night I had very vivid dreams. Violent, vivid dreams. And rather than blaming it on the garlic I ate, I decided when I woke up to Google the violence to see what my subconscious was telling me. According to www.astrology.com my violent dreams have to do with repressed anger, wanting to become physically aggressive towards others and the dream is releasing anger for you. You know. So I don't go bananas in person. From www.dreammoods.com it goes further to explain that you might be feeling helpless or vulnerable in some areas of your life.
In two days it'll be 1 year since my marriage officially ended and also what would have been my 6th wedding anniversary. So I guess there very well could be a little aggression and repressed anger build up. Also a bit of helplessness and vulnerability.
The next question is, does knowing this help me in any way? Maybe. Probably. I mean, if I can decode what my brain is trying to tell me, maybe I can deal with it. Instead of repressing my anger, maybe I'll lift a little heavier today, push a little harder knowing that this is inside of me. Instead of repressing my vulnerability, maybe I'll let myself give into tears if they appear instead of pushing them aside. Regardless of any behavior changes that I make, I at least feel like I understand what's happening inside of me. That even though I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip and stay strong through this "anniversary", I get that maybe I'm not as evolved as I had hoped I was. And that is ok. It is. I'm a work in progress, not perfection. And I'm okay with that reminder.
But just for the record-- I'd really like to go back to my donut dreams tonight and not the tornado, poltergeist or violent ones....
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