As I look back on last year's blog post from this very same day, I'm filled with so many different things. Honestly, I'm a little sad for the person that wrote it and the pain she was still dealing with.
But mostly? I'm happy. I am so freaking full of joy that I can't even believe it. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't get to this point by just waiting around for the pain to end. I've done so much work to get to a place where I can say "I am so fucking happy" and believe it. In all actuality, I think I spent one year convincing myself I'd be "fine" and one year digging into the bullshit stuck in my mind really working towards being happy.
I'm no longer holding onto the ribbons of anger, resentment and hate that were binding me from enjoying my life. In the last year, I ran my body into the ground until my kidneys were tapping on my back saying "Uh.... I think something is wrong here." From there, I discovered how not addressing issues and emotions can result in physical destruction. I've spent the last 8 months really addressing, feeling, embracing and releasing emotions I had no idea were even present. It's like a garden. You don't just throw down some seed and hope for the best. You prep the soil, you plant the seed, you water. Or like with my garden... I check on it every day, wonder if it's dying, water it more, water it less, talk to it, take pictures of it and eventually-- crack the code and find balance for it to produce. I've figured out how to till my own soil, water and nurture my soul. I've weeded out the bullshit to make room for my life to blossom.
I'm in a place in my life where gratitude and joy are ever-present. I'm in a place where I no longer hide away from social interaction outside of my normal inner-circle of friends. I am out in the world, taking risks, talking to strangers, and opening myself to the possibilities of what can be.
I am even having a hard time fitting all that I love to do in the time constraints of 24 hours! I wake up, go to the job that I love (working with people I adore), and then spend my remaining waking hours Crossfitting, running, painting, reading, going out and socializing or just sitting outside and enjoying the evening air. I'm sleeping less than I should be because I just can't bring myself to go to bed yet! Who is this person?!
I use the "Own Your Awesome" affirmation deck at work from Yourjoyologist.com as a way to set the tone for my day. Today's affirmation that was randomly selected was, "I let my heart lead me." The Universe provided me with the affirmation that I needed to see to celebrate the fact that yes--- through everything, I let my heart lead me. I'm no longer living my life in a place of fear, sadness, hate, regret or hope. I'm living in a place of love. I am at peace with what has happened and I am grateful for the growth it required of me.
Again, I'd like to thank you guys-- my amazing support system of friends and family. Love you.
I'm in a place in my life where gratitude and joy are ever-present. I'm in a place where I no longer hide away from social interaction outside of my normal inner-circle of friends. I am out in the world, taking risks, talking to strangers, and opening myself to the possibilities of what can be.
I am even having a hard time fitting all that I love to do in the time constraints of 24 hours! I wake up, go to the job that I love (working with people I adore), and then spend my remaining waking hours Crossfitting, running, painting, reading, going out and socializing or just sitting outside and enjoying the evening air. I'm sleeping less than I should be because I just can't bring myself to go to bed yet! Who is this person?!
I use the "Own Your Awesome" affirmation deck at work from Yourjoyologist.com as a way to set the tone for my day. Today's affirmation that was randomly selected was, "I let my heart lead me." The Universe provided me with the affirmation that I needed to see to celebrate the fact that yes--- through everything, I let my heart lead me. I'm no longer living my life in a place of fear, sadness, hate, regret or hope. I'm living in a place of love. I am at peace with what has happened and I am grateful for the growth it required of me.
Again, I'd like to thank you guys-- my amazing support system of friends and family. Love you.
